Goal-setting for Highly Sensitive People: The Magic of Thinking Small

by Amy Scholten, M.P.H.

Many folks set goals and resolutions at the beginning of each year with the best of intentions. What do you want to accomplish this year? Go back to college? Lose weight? Fire your boss? Goal-setting is an important part of living purposefully, but achieving goals isn't always a piece of cake (yes, I'm talking to YOU who just devoured that piece of cake despite your weight loss diet!).

Perhaps you've learned that to make strides in life, you have to "think big." I'm not against thinking big when it comes to setting long-term goals, but as a highly sensitive person (HSP), I've learned that I'm much more likely to succeed in reaching my goals if I think small first (and, of course, get out of bed). Here's why:

Our Brains Resist Change

Even though we want to make positive changes, our brains say "SCREW change! I want to be comfortable!" This sassy brain of ours consists of three main characters: 1.) the lower brain or brain stem, which governs basic body functions such as breathing and making our hearts go lub dub lub dub lub dub, 2.) the mid-brain, which regulates our body's temperature, our emotions and the fight-or-flight response that helps us survive danger, and 3.) the higher brain (cortex), which governs logic, analysis, rational thought, intuition, memory, and creative thinking processes. Unfortunately, sometimes these three aspects of the brain are about as cooperative as a bunch of gorillas on amphetamines.

Change Triggers Our "Danger Alert System"

To achieve our goals, we rely on rational and creative thinking processes governed by the high fallutin' higher brain. But because HSPs have a well-developed "danger alert" system, we're especially prone to feeling overwhelmed or anxious in the face of change and important goals. When feeling overwhelmed or anxious, the mid-brain takes over, triggering the fight-or-flight response (stress response) which temporarily shuts down the non-essential functions such as creative thought processes, sexual desire, and digestion, to prepare the body to fight like a cornered rat or flee like a scared bunny. This can happen whenever we try to make a change from our usual, safe routines, and the result is often impaired performance and eventually, resignation. Of course, as HSPs, we tend to beat ourselves to death with our failures, which just makes matter worse!

Fear and Unconscious Sabotage

Here's an example of how fear and sabotage can work together. Hortense the HSP is going to start a natural cosmetics business and has an impressive list of things to do today: develop a marketing plan, find out how to register her business, locate a web designer, set up a PayPal account, examine her budget, etc.. Instead she finds herself preoccupied with picking lint out of all the hairdriers in her house, pondering her neighbors' psychological conflicts on facebook, and trying to retrieve an old pair of panties stolen by her ex-boyfriend in college. At the end of the week, she still hasn't worked much on her business. Why? She isn't aware of it but she's actually overwhelmed and paralyzed by fear and has unconsciously sabotaged her goals.

Think Small, Achieve Big!

One process that can help HSPs reach big goals more easily and reduce anxiety is to break those goals into small steps first. Small steps facilitate change and help overcome resistance. Let's take a look at two examples of big goals and how we can make them more manageable.

Example Goal #1: Weight Loss

Weight loss goals are one of the most common yet difficult to reach. Many dump-your-plump regimens tend not to work for long-term weight management because they involve drastic changes, deprivation and overwhelming, unrealistic goals, which are stressful and discouraging. Yeah, what the heck are you thinking???

An HSP could make weight management less overwhelming and more attainable in the long run by revising these goals into smaller, less stressful steps, for example:

• Start by cutting one or two dastardly foods from your diet instead of trying to cut all your favorite foods out at once.
  
  
• Rather than dwelling on how much weight you need to lose, set small weekly behavior change goals such as eating a healthy breakfast instead of playing blood sugar roulette with that morning donut, sugary cola, and mouthfuls of chocolate at the office all day long.
  
  
• Shake that diet shake regimen or restrictive diet and make some gradual healthy changes that you can live with in the long term.
  
  
• Instead of trying to lose an overwhelming 100 pounds in six months, choose a less stressful goal, like 20 or 30 pounds in six months.
  
  
• Don't force yourself into a strenuous sweaty exercise routine that you hate. Ease your way into a fun physical activity that includes energetic music. Start with 5-10 minutes a day first and then comfortably work your way up to 30 minutes.
  

Example Goal #2: Creative Writing Project

You plan to write a novel this year - woo hoo! So you sit down at the computer to try to come up with a grand theme for your novel and what happens? Your mind goes as blank as the computer screen sitting in front of you. You start to feel antsy. Your fight-or-flight response kicks in, and you experience writer's block, which is actually fear in disguise. What can you do? Again, start small!

Many famous writers say they think about a character that would be interesting to readers before they come up with a grand theme. They start with small pieces of the puzzle and develop their characters. Who is this character? What is she doing? Why is she where she is? When does this take place?

If writing a novel is overwhelming, start with a short story or an essay. Perhaps that even has you on edge. If your creativity remains blocked, then start even smaller. Make a commitment to just write something every day for a month or so. It could be something as simple as keeping an uncensored journal where you write whatever comes to mind.

Think Ridiculously Small, If Necessary!

Small, easy goals facilitate change by helping you to build confidence. Depending on your level of fear and resistance, you may want to start with a ridiculously small and simple goal first, master that, and then move up a step. It doesn't matter where you start or how big or fast you do something, but only that you continue to move purposefully in the direction of your goal, step by step, building on each small success.

Happy New Year! Now put your feet on the floor, one step at a time and get out of bed!

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Purposeful Sensitive People